“Let’s face it,”
said Donna Reed. “All of us girls, according to statistics,
are going to live to be about 75 or 80. Now, the average female has
the idea that there’s only one thing in life, and that’s
getting married and having children. Well, it isn’t the
only thing in life. There are many other considerations!”
Obviously Donna has some very definite
ideas about what’s right and wrong for girls—partly because
she herself has an 18-year-old daughter named Penny. When we discussed
her views on “what every girl should know,” the beautiful
star of ABC-TV’s Donna Reed Show made it clear that
although some of her frank opinions may draw strong reactions from
readers, she doesn’t mean to preach to anyone.
Wearing a very attractive red sweater-and-skirt
combination with a blue-and-white polka dot blouse, Donna struck me
as one of the most beautiful mothers anywhere, with a vivacity matching
that of any teenager. But I soon learned she has a wisdom that women
far older than she would envy.
“How old do you think girls should
be before they’re allowed to date? And how old were you
when you began dating?” I asked.
She grinned as she replied, “How
old I was hasn’t much to do with it, I’m afraid, because
your readers will say, ‘Well, that was in olden times!’
But I think it’s been proven that girls date far too young today.
I think 16 is about right. This 14-year-old business is rushing it.
Even walking to a movie with a young man shouldn’t be allowed
before 16, because every girl I know who started dating at 13 and
14 is absolutely convinced at 16 that she wants to be married right
then and there. And too often she does get married then. Too many
girls have the idea at that age that all they need for complete happiness
is a wedding ring.
“And there’s a reason for
it! The reason, and the only one, is that the girls have been dating
since 13 and going to group parties at the age of 10. So what’s
left? Nothing but marriage!”
“Then you feel that teens and
even pre-teens are growing up too fast today?”
“I say that they are being forced
to make decisions for themselves at far too early an age. The most
important decision in their lives—whom they’re going to
marry—is made too soon, because they date too soon.
“Actually, there’s not
so much wrong with marrying young—if it isn’t
a decision the girl makes by herself!” she emphasized. “But
in our culture, everybody makes his own decision. The girl picks the
boy she wants to marry, and the parents sit by meekly and say ‘Fine.’
Girls aren’t mature enough to make these independent decisions.
Yet they’re making them across the country by the thousands,
and being divorced a year after they’re married.
“Now, it might be better if the
parents set up these marriages, or helped the girls make the decisions.
If they’d say, ‘Yes, we think this boy is nice, we like
his personality, we like his ambition, we think his attitudes will
go well with our daughter’s and we also really know his family
and his background,’ which is the way it used to be—then
I think these children would have a chance of making it work. But
girls can’t possibly make the right decisions independently
at these tender ages. They’re not old enough or experienced
enough. So I’m not here to say that any age is the right age
to get married, I say it’s how you get married, and what help
you have in choosing a mate. There’s got to be a reason for
this alarming divorce rate, and I think it’s the situation I
just mentioned. When the decision is made by the parents and children
together, it’s no longer an immature and childish decision.”
“What kind of code do you think
a girl should have about her behavior on a date?” I asked.
“I wouldn’t propose to
set a code for anyone,” Donna said. “But what I do propose
is that youngsters be taught a code by their own parents. We’re
living in a codeless era, and all I say is that a young person should
live by some code—and a code set by one’s parents
is best.”
She continued, “I was lucky,
because when I was growing up on a farm in Iowa there was a code set
for me by my parents. They’re the only ones who can do it especially
today, because our schools are becoming a vacuum as far as religion
is concerned. You can’t even mention God! The law practically
makes God a dirty word in the schools. The effect of this is very
dangerous and far-reaching.”
“Do you think this absence of
religion has anything to do with the dropping of moral codes among
teenagers?”
“No,” she said. “I
think there’s been a revolution in our moral standards, and
I don’t know who’s responsible—I guess everybody!
People are just afraid to say no.”
Most articles on what girls should
know give advice on how to be popular. But not this one, for Donna
says, “I think popularity among teenagers has been overstressed.
What does it do for you? I’ve found that the boys and girls
who are so all-fired popular at 13 and 14 and 15 in high school disappear
by the time they’re seniors. And by the time they get to college,
nine times out of ten nobody knows who they are. It’s much better
to be popular when you’re 21 and 22 than when you’re a
teen. Because if you concentrate too much on popularity during your
teen years, you lose sight of the big important goals.”
“What do you think teenagers
should concentrate on?” I asked.
“On becoming human beings, on
getting an education…on waiting, and giving themselves time
to grow up. They need to have patience. Someone should explain to
them that the longer they live, they more fun they’ll have out
of life. If they think they’re having fun at 18, they simply
have no idea of what lies ahead of them!”
But although Donna doesn’t believe
popularity is terribly important during the teen years, she nevertheless
feels that the development of a teenager’s personality is
important as a preparation for adulthood. “Teens can improve
their personality by doing the things that are important at school—whatever
the extra-curricular activities are—by keeping active, going
to parties, being friendly, and having fun a little at a time.
“These are the important things:
being active in school—being successful academically, I mean—and,
above all, being successful in your family relationships. These successes
always lead to successes in adult life,” said Donna, who should
know—for she rates as a huge success both as an actress and
a housewife and mother, in her off-screen role as Mrs. Tony Owen.
“But if you can’t manage
a decent relationship with your parents all through your teens, if
school is boring, and if your only goal is to achieve popularity,
it’s just never going to work. Being popular in school doesn’t
guarantee a single thing.”
“Are there are any other ways
that you feel girls can achieve success in their lives?” I asked.
“When you’re young, I can’t
recommend strongly enough working out your life with your family at
your side,” Donna stressed. “By that I don’t mean
being tied to apron strings or never making an independent move. I’m
not recommending that. There is a way of working with your family
and taking advice and growing up, and I think this is wonderful.”
“But what about teenagers who
say that their parents think they know everything and won’t
listen to the teenagers’ side of it?” I wanted to know.
“It’s hard to believe that
there are really parents who absolutely won’t listen to their
children,” Donna said thoughtfully. “They may listen and
then not agree, though. Most of the time the parents are right—most
of the time, though not always. When your parents disagree with you,
I advise patience, and faith in your parents’ judgement.”
“Let’s go through some
tips for teenage girls,” I said. “First, how about makeup?
I know an actress has to be an expert at that. How do you feel about
makeup for teenagers? When did you start wearing it?”
“I didn’t wear makeup in
high school, except that I wore a little lipstick as a junior and
senior. But darn little, and that’s the way it should be! Not
just because I did it, but I look around today and see the makeup
so exaggerated among teens that it’s ridiculous. I advise moderation,
that’s all.”
“How about clothes? If a girl
is uncertain about how to dress, what should she do?”
“When I was in school, there
actually a fashion leader in each class and the other girls copied
her. If that doesn’t work, today there are so many wonderful
magazines for young girls. I suggest reading those and following their
suggestions and ideas.”
“Let’s turn to cooking
and homemaking. What do you think today’s girl should know about
those?”
Donna sighed. “More than she
knows! At least more than the average girl knows, I think there’s
a great deal of satisfaction to be had out of preparing a wonderful
dish. Too many girls cheat themselves by opening boxes and cans and
heating up something and putting it on the table. I don’t mean
a girl should be a slave to the kitchen. If you don’t cook at
14 or 15, it’s no crime. But I don’t think you should
wait until you’re 40 or 50!” And she smiled at the thought.
“I’ll confess—I didn’t
like to cook as a teen. But I had to learn to bake bread and do laborious
things like that. Even baking bread is fun to do once in a while.
But at least a girl should learn to cook.
“As for cleaning house, I don’t
know any girl who likes to dust and make beds. And the only way out
of that is to face up to it, and organize yourself so that it can
be done as quickly as possible—because, there’s nothing
creative about it, despite what you might hear. It’s probably
the least satisfying job in the world. It’s no fun dusting the
same piece of furniture day after day. So organize yourself, give
it as little time as possible and do the best you can—and then
get away from it!”
“How about some tips on school?
Since most girls are going to get married, they’re likely to
say, ‘School isn’t really important to my life.’
How about that?” I asked.
“Well, as I’ve mentioned,
getting married and having children isn’t a woman’s only
lifelong occupation. For example, when your children are grown up
and you’re about 40 years old, you’ll have anywhere from
35 to 40 more years to live. Your life is only half-lived! What do
you do for the rest of your life? You’ve got 40 years, and if
you don’t have an education, what do you do? Sit around and
feel sorry for yourself? Or get divorced? That’s what too many
women re doing. Now’s the time to get educated and find some
kind of job that you can do fairly well. Then, when you get married,
you can leave it for a while and raise your children. But when your
children are out of school and working or off to college, then you
can go back to work if you like, and continue to feel that you’re
doing something worthwhile and valuable. Just remember—getting
married and having children is not the complete and final answer to
a life of happiness.”
“In closing, is there any philosophy
that you can think will help a young girl in facing life as a teen,
and later as an adult?” I asked Donna.
“I think the more you do with
your family, and the more active you are in your community—that
goes for church and politics and whatever else is available—the
happier your life will be. And the earlier you start these things,
the better,” she replied.
Donna knows what she’s talking
about. She has taken her own advice, and today’s there’s
no happier or more successful woman anywhere!
