What Every Girl Should Know

“Let’s face it,” said Donna Reed. “All of us girls, according to statistics, are going to live to be about 75 or 80. Now, the average female has the idea that there’s only one thing in life, and that’s getting married and having children. Well, it isn’t the only thing in life. There are many other considerations!”

Obviously Donna has some very definite ideas about what’s right and wrong for girls—partly because she herself has an 18-year-old daughter named Penny. When we discussed her views on “what every girl should know,” the beautiful star of ABC-TV’s Donna Reed Show made it clear that although some of her frank opinions may draw strong reactions from readers, she doesn’t mean to preach to anyone.

Wearing a very attractive red sweater-and-skirt combination with a blue-and-white polka dot blouse, Donna struck me as one of the most beautiful mothers anywhere, with a vivacity matching that of any teenager. But I soon learned she has a wisdom that women far older than she would envy.

“How old do you think girls should be before they’re allowed to date? And how old were you when you began dating?” I asked.

She grinned as she replied, “How old I was hasn’t much to do with it, I’m afraid, because your readers will say, ‘Well, that was in olden times!’ But I think it’s been proven that girls date far too young today. I think 16 is about right. This 14-year-old business is rushing it. Even walking to a movie with a young man shouldn’t be allowed before 16, because every girl I know who started dating at 13 and 14 is absolutely convinced at 16 that she wants to be married right then and there. And too often she does get married then. Too many girls have the idea at that age that all they need for complete happiness is a wedding ring.

“And there’s a reason for it! The reason, and the only one, is that the girls have been dating since 13 and going to group parties at the age of 10. So what’s left? Nothing but marriage!”

“Then you feel that teens and even pre-teens are growing up too fast today?”

“I say that they are being forced to make decisions for themselves at far too early an age. The most important decision in their lives—whom they’re going to marry—is made too soon, because they date too soon.

“Actually, there’s not so much wrong with marrying young—if it isn’t a decision the girl makes by herself!” she emphasized. “But in our culture, everybody makes his own decision. The girl picks the boy she wants to marry, and the parents sit by meekly and say ‘Fine.’ Girls aren’t mature enough to make these independent decisions. Yet they’re making them across the country by the thousands, and being divorced a year after they’re married.

“Now, it might be better if the parents set up these marriages, or helped the girls make the decisions. If they’d say, ‘Yes, we think this boy is nice, we like his personality, we like his ambition, we think his attitudes will go well with our daughter’s and we also really know his family and his background,’ which is the way it used to be—then I think these children would have a chance of making it work. But girls can’t possibly make the right decisions independently at these tender ages. They’re not old enough or experienced enough. So I’m not here to say that any age is the right age to get married, I say it’s how you get married, and what help you have in choosing a mate. There’s got to be a reason for this alarming divorce rate, and I think it’s the situation I just mentioned. When the decision is made by the parents and children together, it’s no longer an immature and childish decision.”

“What kind of code do you think a girl should have about her behavior on a date?” I asked.

“I wouldn’t propose to set a code for anyone,” Donna said. “But what I do propose is that youngsters be taught a code by their own parents. We’re living in a codeless era, and all I say is that a young person should live by some code—and a code set by one’s parents is best.”

She continued, “I was lucky, because when I was growing up on a farm in Iowa there was a code set for me by my parents. They’re the only ones who can do it especially today, because our schools are becoming a vacuum as far as religion is concerned. You can’t even mention God! The law practically makes God a dirty word in the schools. The effect of this is very dangerous and far-reaching.”

“Do you think this absence of religion has anything to do with the dropping of moral codes among teenagers?”

“No,” she said. “I think there’s been a revolution in our moral standards, and I don’t know who’s responsible—I guess everybody! People are just afraid to say no.”

Most articles on what girls should know give advice on how to be popular. But not this one, for Donna says, “I think popularity among teenagers has been overstressed. What does it do for you? I’ve found that the boys and girls who are so all-fired popular at 13 and 14 and 15 in high school disappear by the time they’re seniors. And by the time they get to college, nine times out of ten nobody knows who they are. It’s much better to be popular when you’re 21 and 22 than when you’re a teen. Because if you concentrate too much on popularity during your teen years, you lose sight of the big important goals.”

“On becoming human beings, on getting an education…on waiting, and giving themselves time to grow up. They need to have patience. Someone should explain to them that the longer they live, they more fun they’ll have out of life. If they think they’re having fun at 18, they simply have no idea of what lies ahead of them!”

But although Donna doesn’t believe popularity is terribly important during the teen years, she nevertheless feels that the development of a teenager’s personality is important as a preparation for adulthood. “Teens can improve their personality by doing the things that are important at school—whatever the extra-curricular activities are—by keeping active, going to parties, being friendly, and having fun a little at a time.

“These are the important things: being active in school—being successful academically, I mean—and, above all, being successful in your family relationships. These successes always lead to successes in adult life,” said Donna, who should know—for she rates as a huge success both as an actress and a housewife and mother, in her off-screen role as Mrs. Tony Owen.

“But if you can’t manage a decent relationship with your parents all through your teens, if school is boring, and if your only goal is to achieve popularity, it’s just never going to work. Being popular in school doesn’t guarantee a single thing.”

“Are there are any other ways that you feel girls can achieve success in their lives?” I asked.

“When you’re young, I can’t recommend strongly enough working out your life with your family at your side,” Donna stressed. “By that I don’t mean being tied to apron strings or never making an independent move. I’m not recommending that. There is a way of working with your family and taking advice and growing up, and I think this is wonderful.”

“But what about teenagers who say that their parents think they know everything and won’t listen to the teenagers’ side of it?” I wanted to know.

“It’s hard to believe that there are really parents who absolutely won’t listen to their children,” Donna said thoughtfully. “They may listen and then not agree, though. Most of the time the parents are right—most of the time, though not always. When your parents disagree with you, I advise patience, and faith in your parents’ judgement.”

“Let’s go through some tips for teenage girls,” I said. “First, how about makeup? I know an actress has to be an expert at that. How do you feel about makeup for teenagers? When did you start wearing it?”

“I didn’t wear makeup in high school, except that I wore a little lipstick as a junior and senior. But darn little, and that’s the way it should be! Not just because I did it, but I look around today and see the makeup so exaggerated among teens that it’s ridiculous. I advise moderation, that’s all.”

“How about clothes? If a girl is uncertain about how to dress, what should she do?”

“When I was in school, there actually a fashion leader in each class and the other girls copied her. If that doesn’t work, today there are so many wonderful magazines for young girls. I suggest reading those and following their suggestions and ideas.”

“Let’s turn to cooking and homemaking. What do you think today’s girl should know about those?”

Donna sighed. “More than she knows! At least more than the average girl knows, I think there’s a great deal of satisfaction to be had out of preparing a wonderful dish. Too many girls cheat themselves by opening boxes and cans and heating up something and putting it on the table. I don’t mean a girl should be a slave to the kitchen. If you don’t cook at 14 or 15, it’s no crime. But I don’t think you should wait until you’re 40 or 50!” And she smiled at the thought.

“I’ll confess—I didn’t like to cook as a teen. But I had to learn to bake bread and do laborious things like that. Even baking bread is fun to do once in a while. But at least a girl should learn to cook.

“As for cleaning house, I don’t know any girl who likes to dust and make beds. And the only way out of that is to face up to it, and organize yourself so that it can be done as quickly as possible—because, there’s nothing creative about it, despite what you might hear. It’s probably the least satisfying job in the world. It’s no fun dusting the same piece of furniture day after day. So organize yourself, give it as little time as possible and do the best you can—and then get away from it!”

“How about some tips on school? Since most girls are going to get married, they’re likely to say, ‘School isn’t really important to my life.’ How about that?” I asked.

“Well, as I’ve mentioned, getting married and having children isn’t a woman’s only lifelong occupation. For example, when your children are grown up and you’re about 40 years old, you’ll have anywhere from 35 to 40 more years to live. Your life is only half-lived! What do you do for the rest of your life? You’ve got 40 years, and if you don’t have an education, what do you do? Sit around and feel sorry for yourself? Or get divorced? That’s what too many women re doing. Now’s the time to get educated and find some kind of job that you can do fairly well. Then, when you get married, you can leave it for a while and raise your children. But when your children are out of school and working or off to college, then you can go back to work if you like, and continue to feel that you’re doing something worthwhile and valuable. Just remember—getting married and having children is not the complete and final answer to a life of happiness.”

“In closing, is there any philosophy that you can think will help a young girl in facing life as a teen, and later as an adult?” I asked Donna.

“I think the more you do with your family, and the more active you are in your community—that goes for church and politics and whatever else is available—the happier your life will be. And the earlier you start these things, the better,” she replied.

Donna knows what she’s talking about. She has taken her own advice, and today’s there’s no happier or more successful woman anywhere!

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